Carpe Diem

Will we ever learn?

As they walked off towards the distant peak of Nanga Parbat (one of the world’s 8,000 peaks) my heart sunk into a deep and uncertain pool of loneliness. I wanted to be there with them, attempting for third time to make a first ascent of the mountain by the dangerous Mazeno Ridge route (which 2 of the group would finally do 18 years later). Unfortunately I was severely ill, and that was simply not possible.

This was some 25-years ago, and I’d been sent to Pakistan along with a bunch of the world’s top mountaineers, to guide them by mountainbike across the Deosai Plateau, the highest continuous such plateau in the world –which, as far as we know, was un-ridden at that point. 

It was my first time in Asia, and it had come as something of a shock to my system, in every way. Within a couple of days I’d fallen very sick with some kind of stomach bug, which over the next few weeks would become topped up by numerous other parasites and infections, leaving me in a very bad state of health.

The worst monsoons in living history had also hit during our overland journey to the trailhead. Devastating floods, landslides and avalanches were to cut off much of Northern Pakistan and to lead to the deaths of many locals as well as some of the finest mountaineers in the world.

We found ourselves totally cut off from the outside world, all roads and bridges were gone; food and medicine were in very short or no supply, and there was no communication with the rest of world, only the odd second hand rumour floating around.

While the rest of the expedition moved on I was left in a small village. Estimates from locals were that we’d be cut off for at least 2 months, and I was getting sicker and thinner by the day. As the days slowly passed I could feel myself draining of energy and after 10 days I persuaded the expedition cook to join me in an attempt to escape from the valley. 

Around 48-hours of clambering with a bike through vertical mountains, crossing rivers on fallen trees, hitching tractor rides, clearing landslides, seeing other jeeps that had slipped from the self-same broken roads into ravines, guiding jeeps with a head torch as a one armed one eyed man swung from the bumper to keep it on the road we eventually reached the town of Gilgit, and a week later I finally managed to get back to Islamabad and then return home for months of medical treatment.

What’s this have to do with carpe diem? During those dark and fading days in the mountains I had a lot of time to contemplate, and in all honesty I didn’t think I would survive; the odds were not stacked in my favour. I sat for hours and wrote things, for my daughters and for somebody else, who was not at significant as it turned out). It was stuff that I’d never say or write in any other situation, yet which I meant whole heartedly.

When I returned home; well – these were intended only to be read if I didn’t make it, but after much contemplation I posted one of the letters anyway (the least important of then), what the hell.

The whole experience was a life changing one for me, and one that taught me the importance of honest self-expression, even if it doesn’t always sit well with some people.

I’d already walked away from 2 horrific car crashes that I had no right to survive before this, and since then I’ve also faced the man in black close up through health issues. Sombre stuff I know; sobering and affirming, yet also experiences which can fade along with lessons that usually get side lined with the passing of time. Maybe it’s an age and maturity thing, but the last time I faced such dire consequences, and also during recent events these lessons have been have driven home more than ever, and the expression “carpe diem” and the absolute paramount importance of seizing that moment are something I vow not to forget again.

Unfortunately, be it from pier pressure, perceived expectations and values of society or simply humanity’s ever-increasing ability not to take heed of our learning’s, I really don’t know; but I expect it’s a combination of all of them they may well slip again. Like many of us I tend to let those thoughts that came with such decisive clarity at the time slowly drift down the long list of importance in life. 

There always seems to be a reason not to seize that moment, and but is that just an excuse, and one that’s letting ourselves down? 

Somewhere between the time when you pick up the magazine and get around to reading this the world and our own situation could, and probably will have changed, such is the speed and ferocity of things. Then again it may have all blown over, in which case we may well drift back into the comfort of familiarity, with lessons learned but not fully noted. I’m as guilty of this as anybody; it is unfortunately human nature.

Right now, as with past situations, I find myself cursing at not having done the things that I have on so many occasions listed down on paper and lodged firmly in my mind as absolute priorities in life. Be they to go and ride new trails every week, to take on a bike tour, to make that trip to South America I’ve always dreamed of, or simply to re-prioritise being kind to myself. 

There’s always something else, something that my mind construes as more imminently important or more correct, which is usually work related. It could also be the weather, not being in good enough shape, or not having the right bike to tackle those epic Himalayan singletracks – what complete baubles that really is. Seriously, how many times have I learned this lesson in life? And what’s more important – how many more chances will there be?

Right now none us really know what kind of a future we’re heading into or what opportunities will be open to us further down the line, let alone what we will be gauged into prioritising. However, there is one constant truth that we owe it to ourselves to underline and adhere to – that being carpe diem; seize the moment. 

Go out and explore, ride new trails, take that trip of a lifetime if you can, if you can’t then re-align that horizon and re-focus on what is attainable but just out of your comfort zone. Don’t over think it; that only leads to hesitation and procrastination, which all too often will mean that you end up not doing things – take my word on that.

Don’t lose sight of those things you’ve always wanted to do, and set about doing them now rather than writing for a better day or more fitness, more in-depth planning, a new bike – that day may never come around. If you do I can promise that you will not be left regretting it and begging for one more chance.

Write it all down on good old school paper  and remind yourself regularly that now is the time to do it, or as close to it as you possibly can.

Seize the moment; get things in order of importance - and remember the lessons of life’s fragility that we’re all being forced to learn right now.